Voting is Elementary

I'm not sure where you will vote today, but I voted at the Mary E. Curley School this morning in Jamaica Plain. It's very fitting that many polling stations are located at elementary schools. As a voter, you tend to feel like a child on the first day of school and forget everything you learned up until this point in your life. Here are my observations:

Are you supposed to be here? It's probably the most asked question of a first grader on his or her first day. (Incidentally, as a new 4th grader in a Catholic School as a young boy, I was told by the First Grader Teacher to stop wandering around and get in her class. But, Miss, I'm a 4th grader. I just don't know where to go). It's also the most basic mistake a voter makes - going to the wrong place. Thank you to Laura Keith's email, I did not make this mistake. However, I did need to know my ward and precinct which I neglected to remember (19 and 3, for fellow low-numbered Perkins Street residents). Upon entering the Curley School, the screening volunteer asked everyone their address to make sure they were in the right spot. As it turns out, I was standing in the Mary E. Curley School and she re-directed me to Ward 10 at the neighboring James M. Curley School.

You are not on my list, we are going to have to call an authority. Upon entering the other Curley School, I was greeted by Electoral Official Arnie who could not find McDevitt, Sean in his log. I was missing even though I registered by mail in September at this new address. Arnie passed me off to Gill. I told Gill my dilemma and he dialed a mystery number on his cell phone. After being placed on hold for 5 minutes, he passed on the cell phone to me and told me, "When you hear a voice, tell them you need to know where you should vote." I felt like I was in the principal's office and he was forcing me to tell my Mom and admit to her that I hadn't done my homework. Hey, I messed up, but we don't really need to get Mom involved, do we? After explaining to the mystery voice I needed to know where to vote, she confirmed that I should go back to where I came from - ward 19, precinct 3 at the Mary E. Curley School. Great, now I run the risk of getting a demerit for wandering the halls.

Use this writing instrument, double check your work. Voting is like taking a standardized test. Use this pen. Fill in the right oval. Make sure to go over your work. I can't take the pressure. It's funny that people will try to use the wrong writing instruments to fill out the ballot even though there are the special black felt pens at all the polls. Gill's counterpart at 19/3 caught a few voters trying to steal pencils off vacant electoral official desks. Big no-no. Also, the ballots are double-sided so the voter needs to be certain to turn the page over. The gentlemen ahead of me was getting ready to scan his ballots when the official asked him, "Did you complete both sides?" He went back to the poll with his dead down.

What's the Answer - Yes or No? That's how children think about and respond to complex questions - saying Yes or No without in-depth analysis of the problem. The complexity of explaining Question 2 to anyone in 10 minutes or less is nearly impossible. I saw an 11 minute video about Question 2 and I still have no idea how to explain it to someone else. That's why volunteers outside polling stations keep their marketing as elementary as possible - "Remember, vote Yes on Number 2." My strategy would be - "Hey, say Yes, it's better than saying No."

Polling booths are as advanced as a science fair display booth. It's almost like first graders designed the polling booth. Let's get a wooden coat hanger thing, add 4 shelves, and attach a light bulb on top like a star on a Christmas tree so people can see. Brilliantly simple.

Actually, I would like to add a new question to the ballot - Vote YES on outsourcing all of the country's problems to first graders.