Teen Wolf Review: A 'Win in the End'

Michael J. Fox characters had many curious triumphs in the 80s – bringing a briefcase into a public school and not get beaten up, rallying a science fiction reader and avid chocolate milk drinker to score a young Lea Thompson, and hooking up with Super Girl, taking his aunt as a lover, en route to a corporate take-over of a Fortune 500 company.

None more improbable than 5’2 Scott Howard leading the Beavers to a regional basketball title, first as Teen Wolf, and then as himself. The belief in yourself, overcoming awkward teen angst, rising up against the bully with the perfect girlfriend motif is the hallmark of this era in filmmaking.

Scott is average in every way – starting point guard for a terrible team, six dollar haircut, best friends with a tomboy and a scheming metro-sexual entrepreneur (they existed in the 80s?), ignored by the hot girl, works part time at a hardware store – except for a genetic mutation that turns him in a werewolf when he gets worked up.

Most werewolves are anti-social, anti-establishment but Fox’s wolf wins over the students, teachers, teammates and coach with his charm, basketball IQ, and high-flying dunks. Wait? You mean, you can score the rock and won’t eat us? Ref, blow the whistle and let’s get on with it so we can see if this kid is the second coming of Bernard King (which he inexplicably does 90 seconds after watching Scott grow full body hair scrapping for a loose ball. No officials huddle to discuss “Werewolf eligibility”? First of many times the refs lose control of a game).

The cast is divided into three camps – the ones who love the wolf, the ones who are taking a wait-and-see approach, and the ones who are trying to take the wolf down:

Love the wolf:

• Stiles – think the opportunism and charisma of Zach Morris with the mixed wardrobe of the younger brother from Who’s the Boss and Blutoski of Animal House. Exactly. Where the hell did this guy come from? Question: would you buy a “I Love the Wolf” t-shirt from a guy wearing a “What are you looking at dicknose?” t-shirt with turquoise pants? Would you buy anything from him? Yes, you might – that’s what great charisma does.

• Coach Finstock – a well-cast, campy, anti-Norman Dale coach who never patrols the sidelines or disciplines his players. Sorry, but you need to do one or the other when you lose a game 71-12. Clearly just collecting a teacher’s bonus stipend here for agreeing to coach this pathetic squad. Interestingly, he doesn’t seem to really care that he has a once-in-a-lifetime phenom in the wolf. He’s living to catch the 5th Race at Santa Anita each afternoon (look for the perfectly placed Santa Anita calendar over his left shoulder in his office). Although harder to find better advice than “never play cards against a guy with the same first name as a city”.

• Pamela Wells – looking strikingly similar to Anna Nicole Smith circa the old oil tycoon billionaire (may she rest in peace). Technically, she’s so fickle she belongs in all three categories – in the end, she just loves winners. She’s pretty but the question I’m asking myself throughout this movie is ‘Is she up to the task of being the object of desire to the greatest movie icon of the 80s?’ No. Other than the dressing room scene, which admittedly she has a great naked back and it probably won Lorie Griffin the part, what does she bring to the table? Boof out dresses her much of this movie (look for Pamela’s hideous yellow outfit mid way through the movie), kisses better than her, sharper and wittier and if you put them side by side today, I’m willing to bet is the more desirable woman.

• Kirk / Theatre Director – somehow getting away with directing a play with only one character without giving off sexual predator vibes to administration. One character? You have to question the motivation of a theatre director who believes the soliloquy can carry an entire play. As just discussed, Pamela is no Meryl Streep. Additionally, she somehow has her own dressing room in the high school? How generous of the director to arrange this for her. The wolf frenzy is the best thing that happened to the director so it’s a bit strange he would create a part for the wolf instead of continuing to fly under the radar; the vice principal is so worried about keeping tabs on the wolf he’s not even suspicious that this one woman play is just a means for the director to get laid. Just one big happy family in the theatre.

Taking a Wait-and-See approach:

• Lewis – extremely forgettable performance but the only character I trust in this whole movie. He is the only one that acts like he’s in a real werewolf movie and believes he might actually die if he doesn’t keep his guard up. I respect that.

Want to take down the wolf:

• Boof - simply the gold standard for all past and future girls next door. She’s pretty without being glamorous, strong wardrobe choices with fun belts, wears contacts instead of glasses (you know the director went back and forth on this and ultimately made the right call), likes sports enough that she’ll play them, and willing to call the man she loves on his shit. Susan Ursitti is perfectly cast as Boof - seriously, who else could have played her? No one. Ironically, a million girls could have played Pamela Wells. Susan went on to get her Masters in Design and now a mother of three and actively involved with the Parents Association at the Brentwood School (see IMDb). Just like Boof would be doing now.

• Mick – one of my least favorite 80s movie bullies despite a set-up that could have put him on near equal footing as Johnny Lawrence of Kobra Kai. In fact, where was William Zabka when Teen Wolf was shooting? He got every single dick part in the middle of the 80s and yet somehow was not asked to take this role on? I digress. Mick is a part of a long line of 32-year-old seniors who wreak havoc in high school settings. He’s Dylan McKay without the depth or Buddy from Three O’Clock High with slightly more adept social skills. Does he ever deliver a memorable line in this whole movie? A signature moment where he can say, “I owned that”? Where’s his smashing my ex-girlfriend’s boom box in the sand before I kick ass in my parachute pants scene? Where’s his ‘What’s a matter, Mommy not here to dress you?’ line? All I see is him standing on the endline sweating.

• All his Beaver teammates - At first his teammates like playing with the wolf, then they despise him for being MJ in the Doug Collins era, then they despise him for not becoming the wolf in the regional championship game. The frustration boiled over when Doug Savant was dribbling at half court and the wolf came up from behind him and stole the ball on his way to the dish. Shortly thereafter, Chubby is seen eating a banana at half court because he’s so bored and, apparently hungry for a healthy snack (second time the refs don’t step in when they need to. How can you let a player eat a banana on the court? Slipperiest fruit there is).

The championship game is where this movie leaves its mark in the pantheon of 80s movies – great comeback, great ending scene, and hall of fame song anchoring the scoring montage. The first thing to note is the score is 28-0 in the 3rd quarter when Scott (not the wolf) comes through the double doors, the crowd meeting his Willis Reed routine with dead silence. The team is on pace to lose to the Dragons by 59 points again. Not sure how it's possible to get shut out in a half, but this just adds to the Beaver legend.

Question: what’s the spread in the Beaver-Dragon game if the Wolf plays? Pick ‘em? Remember, the Dragons have athletes – besides Mick they also have a guy that looks like a young Thurl Bailey. You would think the Dragons coach would put 4 guys on the wolf and let Chubby and Doug Savant beat them. The No-Wolf Line has to be Dragons minus 59.5 with heavy money on the Dragons since it’s a revenge game for Mick – he just had his suit shredded by the wolf at the dance and not to mention cuckolded by him. Can you imagine if Scott Skiles had done this to Kevin McHale in the 80s? McHale goes off for 39 and 18, minimum.

Okay, back to the huddle where Scott delivers his “I think we can win this. We don't need the wolf” speech. If this were not an 80s movie but a real basketball game sending a wolfless Scott into this huddle for a pep talk would be like sending Timothy Geithner out to the press corps to discuss specifics of the Financial Stability Plan and expecting a bump in the stock market. Scott really can’t take credit for the momentum shift – you know who can? Mark Safan summoning the charge with his “Win in the End”. [note: If the Treasury Secretary had some montage music, he might have fared better.]



Few things to highlight about the comeback and the end of the movie:

1. Scott is going to get credit for leading the comeback and hitting the clutch free throws, but # 45 played like an absolute monster in the last two quarters. I have his line at 8 points, two boards, THREE snowcone blocks, and a Grant Hill-like length of the court outlet pass for a deuce. That’s just in the footage we saw. He could go to the next level with a mid tier conference team. His high school highlight reel to send out to college coaches IS the last six minutes of Teen Wolf.

2. Mick has at least three intentional fouls and yet somehow avoids getting tossed. Fouls – forearm to Doug Savant’s face right before Scott enters the building, clotheslines Scott on a break-away, and double kidney punch on a drive. THEN, is mysteriously allowed to stand under the basket during the final two free throws. Where are the refs? And can we get the Dragons team manager to give Mick a towel?

3. After Scott slices to the hole for a lay-up, cutting the deficit to 5 at the two minute mark, he celebrates by jumping into the arms of his teammate. What are you doing? Get back on defense! A heady point guard would never allow himself to show emotion. That lapse in concentration leads to a fast break lay-up by the Dragons pushing the lead back up to 7. A devastating blow. Again, in real life, you don’t recover from such a mistake. Bobby Knight would have pulled him from the game and lost to prove a point.

4. Why is Mick guarding Scott at the end of the game? Mick is a 3 or 4 playing against a point guard. Come to think of it, do the Dragons have any guards on the floor the entire game? They scored zero backcourt points in this game.

5. The Pamela Wells snub: we’ve established she only likes winners so once Scott breezes right by her into the arms of Boof, you know Mick is on the outs. I watched the last ten minutes of the German version on Youtube, and Pamela’s snub of Mick is even harsher. [For some reason it makes me happy to know that German teenagers had the opportunity to enjoy this movie.] Know who’s going back to her dressing room? No. 45. Again, watch his performance in the second half – it’s unbelievable! That’s actually how I start Teen Wolf Two - # 45 in Pamela’s dressing room re-hashing the stuff-outlet pass play.

6. The extra exposing himself right after Scott makes out with Boof. Why are his pantsdown? How did the producer not catch this on final cut?

I saw Teen Wolf once as a kid in the theatres and about 97 glorious times since. It’s a movie that demands your attention even when a real game is on. The wolf represents teen angst, the physical embodiment of the inner freak which seems possible to overcome and embrace when you have a best friend like Stiles, a Dad like Mr. Howard, a girlfriend like Boof, and a love like basketball.

That’s why I’ll be back for the 98th.