Godfather Part I: The Role of a Lifetime

Coach. Duke. Captain. Doctor. King. Knight. Idealist. They're all fine titles, but to be honest, they don't do much for me. If all of those honorary distinctions of valour and wit were lined up on a chess board, they would all be afraid of getting whacked by the Godfather - the ultimate honor every man aspires to attain. As of this past Sunday, I'm proud to officially commence my pinky ring shopping. Two friends recently welcomed a little man into their life and I was asked to be the godfather. It was a proud moment.

However, I am concerned that I will not be deemed a good Catholic in the eyes of the church. Getting issued a sponsor certificate from the church could prove to be a difficult hurdle. There are few things more humiliating in life than getting the thin envelope from the Boston Archdiocese.

When the Catholic Church says godfathers should provide spiritual guidance, I don't think it means leave the gun, take the cannoli. Upon being granted the role of a lifetime, I did what any lapse Catholic would do to fully understand his commitment as a spiritual counselor, I googled it.

According to Father William Saunders of the University of Notre Dame, in order to be a sponsor, the person must be:

- baptized (check)

- completed 16th year (hey, I'm acing this test so far)

- Catholic who has received the sacraments of Holy Eucharist and Confirmation, and leads a "life in harmony with the faith and role to be undertaken." (Well, I can answer "True" to the sacraments. If I'm allowed to answer the third part in essay form, I might be able to get partial credit.)

A sponsor shall be disqualified if:

- Antagonistic to the faith - has attitude "I am a Catholic, but..." (Damn. I've started almost every sentence that way in reference to the Church for the last 10 years.)

- the chosen does not practice the faith by regularly attending Mass (this test is taking a turn for the worse, kind of like when Corey Haim got the hydroplane question wrong on the Motor Vehicles exam in License to Drive.)



I need a plan. I may try to argue for a weighted average of "living in harmony with the faith" afterall, I went to Catholic school from elementary through college, and that's got to count for something.