Kristi Yamaguchi Doesn't Move Her Feet When She Skates or Dances; that's the Earth Tilting on its Axis

You probably have witnessed the deification of Chuck Norris over the last couple years with websites that have popped up with super human factoids like 'Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird" or "Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open". I still really don't get his appeal but okay; Bruce Lee whupped him in Game of Death.



He's built himself quite the little reputation. And, here's the thing, he's a guy who can kind of act, kind of kick, and kind of sell exercising equipment. That's about it. You know who else has the same resume? Lorenzo Lamas. It's time to deify someone who is the real deal.

I'm nominating gold medal figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi.

Fro those of you yet to catch Dancing with the Stars fever (now in Season 6, so what are you waiting for?), Kristi has joined the cast of celebrities all vying for the DWS Trophy and a chance to go on tour with Clay Aikan (I think I'm making that up but sounds like it could be true).

In just two weeks, Kristi has left her mark on the show by mastering the fox trot and the Mambo right out of the gate. Nobody has looked so good so fast on this show - not even Slater of Saved by the Bell. Now, critics are arguing that she has an unfair advantage because of the elements of dance and choreography inherent in ice skating.

I have another theory - she's Kristi Yamaguchi. Here's the basic premise: given one week to learn, practice, and train, Kristi Yamaguchi can master anything:

- Excel spreadsheets. She can do an annual budget for a mult-national company and not use formulas. She memorizes them all. Next version of Microsoft Excel will be Kristi Yamaguchi's brain.

- Painting. High end boutique artwork or painting, like painting your house, doesn't matter. For artwork, she'll dab a few spots of black paint and call it a Kristi Yamaguchi orginal. For painting a house, she will dip her skate in paint and cut in a perfect ceiling.

- Egg salad. She could make it if the only ingredient she had was a hen.

- Paper Mache. Just give her a hen, she'll figure it out.

- Needle point. She could sew a dress around herself.

- Double-Dutch. While doing her 1992 Olympic gold medal routine from Albertville

- Start a foundation. Already did. Always Dream Foundation - like Make a Wish but without the red tape.

- Violin. She's so graceful she could play any Mama Mia song on any wood instrument with her skate while doing her 1992 Olympic gold medal routine from Albertville on the other skate.

Feel free to add your own. It's a fun game.