The Family Wedding Part I: The Ultimate Opening Day Experience

As we sit on the eve of Season 6 of SSSW, I stood for the wedding of my sixth cousin this past weekend in NJ. Sixth as in the number of cousins who have preceded me on the altar, not sixth as degrees of separation from immediate family.

Family weddings, like City Year Opening Day, are really similar - lofty idealism, standing on the powerful experiences of those who came before you (the alumni of service and love), pledging an oath to something larger than yourself, keynote speakers and khaki pants as far as the eye can see (hey, we love beach weddings in Jersey). And they each consist of two acts – the ceremony and the reception.

The Ceremony

As a Catholic raised in the tradition of the long, drawn out 50 minute wedding mass, I’ve come to appreciate the ten minute beach ceremony, or as Mel Brooks would call it - the short, short version.

Reason # 31 that you know you are at a wedding in New Jersey: the extension chord powering the amplifier for the violinist is getting its juice from the margarita bar 400 yards away.

I never met a guy who had more pressure on him than the violinist at this wedding. In addition to making sure the three connecting extension chords were reinforced,
he was also logistics point on making sure the minister’s microphone worked.

“love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; love is not quick to take offense..” Apparently, love is not audible either. Six minutes into the ceremony and the minister still doesn’t have the microphone. No one can hear her against the wind. Aunt Barb will not soon forget that she drove 80 miles and couldn’t hear the vows. She will tell my grandmother who will make sure it gets back to Cousin Mary (groom’s mom). Don’t you just love the circular communication that goes on in families?

The violinist got the minister the microphone just in time for her to announce - "by the power vested in me and the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you Mister and Mister Todd…I mean” Umm, if I were the minister I would take a raincheck on the cocktail reception. It’s in her best interest not to run into Aunt Barb at this point.

I had a revelation as the groomsmen (two brothers) and the bridesmaid (two sisters) walked back down the aisle. The best-looking brother just married the best-looking sister. I am a huge fan of not only symmetry but also maintaining balance in the universe. Somewhere a kid in Racita, CA just got a new tricycle he really loves.

The Reception

By far the best part of any wedding with the cocktail reception one of the best man-made inventions of all-time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - so go the appetizer selections so goes the fate of the couple. Forget about the main course (always can recover from an average chicken or fish), the tone of a wedding reception is set by the appetizers and bookended by the cake. Wedding food choice arcs along with the relationship - appetizers is to courtship as entree is to the life of the marriage (there will be a lot of chicken and fish dinners in your future) as cake is to the reflection period of all the good times - past, present and future. Want people to know how good the courtship is? Dazzle all their senses with a creative mix of appetizers.

I’m on record as saying the holy trinity of appetizers are: beef tenderloin in a pastry puff, scallops wrapped in bacon and shrimp as big as your head. Have you ever been to a bad wedding when you get to spend the first 45 minutes with this trio?

However, the danger here is the lack of surprise factor. Making the people guess a little is good. Here’s where the Pagano-Randazzo affair stepped up its game - they go scallops wrapped in bacon (bravo), mushroom with gorgonzola on toast (strong surprise factor points), creamy mushroom spinacopeda (will someday replace the regular spinacopeda), AND smoked salmon on potato polenta (this one was not a crowd pleaser but I picked up their slack, eating two at a time. I would liken this choice to the crowd reaction of and Marty McFly's response after playing "Johnny Be Good" at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance - "I guess you guys weren't ready for that but your kids are going to love it.")

Wow. I already know this marriage is going the distance and I didn’t even get to the pasta bar with the red and white sauce in the east wing yet. Pasta bar ON TOP of passed appetizers?! This is why I never miss an Italian wedding.

Sometime during the cocktail reception, you will meet the happy couple. When you talk with the bride of a family member you have never met or not really hung out with in a social setting, the conversation usually goes something like the one I had with Angela:

Random male family member of the groom: “Hey, you look so beautiful! Congratulations!”

Bride: “Oh, thank you so much. We are so glad you could make it. When did you get here?”

Random: “Last night. Flight was good. Hey, the appetizers are great - the scallops wrapped in bacon are delicious.”

Bride: “Really? Haven’t gotten one yet. So, when are you leaving?”

Random: “Flying back to [insert city where you live] tomorrow.”

Then, inevitably, the three second look of mutual understanding when she can’t wait to move on and he can’t wait to get back to the scallops wrapped in bacon. [Did I mention they had them there? I lost count after I hit seven]. To recap, man is only thinking about the food; woman wants to know how soon he will be leaving. Everything you need to know about life is all wrapped up in that 17 second conversation.

After the appetizers, the most anticipated moment of the evening is the best man speech. Tune back next week for the exciting conclusion and a full break down of the best man speech. Yes, like a TV show, we are using hooks and a "stay tuned next week" approach.