Waiting periods can be really maddening. There are essentially two kinds of waiting - the ones that are long and unbearable (traffic, green line transportation, the season premier of your favorite TV show) and the ones that are short and unbearable (watching water boil, waiting for the little walkman sign to appear while in crossing the street in uniform, etc). Interestingly, the airport experience combines the two into one long waiting period broken up into smaller, endlessly perilous tests of patience - checking-in, security check-point, boarding, taxiing to runway, beverage service, taxiing to terminal, and baggage claim. And, that's if there are no delays. In between the sixth test (taxiing to terminal) and the 8th test (baggage claim), the 7th wonder of air travel is deplaning. I believe patience is a characteristic of leadership, and I hold it in such high regard that I'm giving it it's own compass. Call it the patience compass. There are four main types of passengers in the deplaning process and a good deplaning, just a like a good team, relies on a healthy balance and appreciation for the four directions they represent. So, without further ado, here is the patience compass:
The Seat Jumper (West / Loves the Details): My optimal seat on any flight is single digit aisle seat. Single digit because it reduces the the deplaning time and aisle because I have more options for my legs plus I can move about the cabin without bothering the person next to me. However, taking the aisle seat leaves you susceptible to sitting next to the seat jumper. The seat jumper has his butt half-cocked in the air from the time the plane pulls into the terminal until the time the person next to him stands up. Doesn't matter if you are in the front of the plane or the back of the plane, the seat jumper wants you to know he's got a busier agenda than you. His window seat is bad position so he can't really go north and make a decision, he can only plot his next moves and be ready. You can appreciate the hustle and advance work on the one hand, but this approach can make a South (which I am) uncomfortable. As I taxiied into Philadelphia International Airport on Friday night, the guy in 14F was in the seat jumper's crouch - one foot on the ground, one knee on the seat. He had a connection to make, I was already two hours late to a wedding. In toss up situations, a good South will defer to the natural order of things (read more on Souths two directions from now since we like to make sure everyone else is heard first).
The Row Cutter (North / Loves the Action): Anyone that's ever tried to leave a crowded parking lot is aware of the merge rule when two lanes must converge into one. You go, we go, and so on. The row cutter never heard of this rule, or at the very least refuses to adhere to this human convention of compromise which makes you question his upbringing. It's very interesting to breakdown what motivates the row cutter - is he a row cutter in all facets of life, or did he put his luggage two rows ahead of his position in 13D so he can deplane with the row 11 folks. Sneaky, that row cutter. Which makes you respect him on one level but leads you to backchannel his leadership style with fellow passengers. A row cutter is really a seat jumper with a higher ranking title and the freedom to act.
The Early Riser (East / Loves the Vision of where this could go): The Early Riser got to the airport 2.5 hours before departure, and similarly, he will be opening the overhead as soon as the plane lands. He has 20 rows ahead of him but those hurdles do not phase him. He has the patience and vison to meet those challenges and he's willing to stand for six minutes straight in the aisle to prove it. He is a man of the people with two hands free, as he may help 21D with her luggage as he is shaking hands with 22A. He knows how to win friends and influence passengers which comes in handy since he will have no idea where baggage claim is.
Take a Number at the Deli (South / Loves order and the role people play in that order): If you are a practical person the first thing you do when approaching the deli counter is take a number. Whether they are using the number system that day or not, take one just in case. As a South, it's one of the mottos I live by. When everyone follows the deli system, nothing makes a South happier - there are no surprises and order is restored to the universe. 4D, then 4F, your turn, 5A. Go ahead 5D, yes, the connecting flight out to Boise is leaving out of Gate C17, step right up 6B.
Of course, order cannot exist without innovation necessitating the standardization of a system, so the South needs the Early Riser but his closest ally is the Seat Jumper. The person least understood by the South is the row cutter. However, circumstances dictate that we sometimes move away from our primary direction, and in some sense move away from civilization and go with our primal instinct. I can never be a true row cutter but I did leave a woman standing in the pouring rain outside of JFK Library after Opening Day. Technically, I was next in line for a cab, but giving it up would have been the right thing to do.
Oh well, I hope she understands I had a plane to catch.
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