Last Dragon pitch meeting: “Okay, think a black Karate Kid with a Bruce Lee obsession and the soul of Gandhi on a journey of self discovery to become a kung fu master and in the process overthrows an arcade mogul/mob boss and a more colorful Johnny Lawrence-like villain – think Attila the Hun meets Roddy Piper, except he’s going to be a black guy too; his Kobra Kai sidekicks will be like MTV veejays in combat fatigues. Are you with me so far? It gets better.""Okay, set against this backdrop, we’re going to launch the careers of the next Cindi Lauper and Lionel Ritchie – you are going to love ‘em – through a music video dance show. Think Solid Gold. The tie-in? The host of the show gets kidnapped by the arcade mogul and is the black Karate Kid’s love interest. What do you think? Am I doing you a favor, or am I doing you a favor?"
Studio head: “I don’t know, I’m about to greenlight a picture called No Retreat, No Surrender about some kid with a Bruce Lee obsession who takes on some French karate champion. Jean Claude something. Hmm. Black Karate Kid, huh? Okay, but keep the budget under ten million.”
1985. What a golden era for screenwriters with a martial arts-centric storyline. If you invested four hours and watched any Bruce Lee film and the Karate Kid, and you had some creative writing ability, you could sell a karate movie in 8 minutes to Hollywood.
The genius of Berry Gordon’s Last Dragon is its ambition and vision to combine karate and mo-town hip hop while simultaneously trying to launch acting careers and new albums from Prince protégés. You can argue its grasp didn't match its reach, but strip the Last Dragon of its ambition and it simply becomes every other martial arts movie riding the Karate Kid wake.
When you look at the combined thespian experience of the two lead actors – Taimak and Vanity – then you realize what a big gamble Director Michael Schultz took.
Taimak, who plays Bruce Leroy, solemn student in search of karate’s golden glow (like “He’s on Fire!” in NBA Jam), is a real-life martial artist with zero acting experience when discovered by a casting director at age 19. When you think about the prospect of teaching Alfonso Ribeiro karate or finding a black martial artist with a theatre background, the more you realize Taimak was born for this role.
Singer-soloist Vanity, discovered and mentored by Prince (You have to respect the “mentoring” relationships of Prince. How many pop icons are selfless enough to mentor a protege, provide singing lessons and invent cool stage names along with sexual encounters?) had several singles that rose up the Hot Dance Club Play charts such as “Pretty Mess” and “Under the Influence” in 1985. Vanity somehow managed to parlay her dance club notoriety into the love interest of Leroy despite only three small acting credits. She plays Laura Charles, host of 7th Heaven, a soulful American Bandstand and same name as a single off the Last Dragon motion picture soundtrack. In the case of Taimak, the gamble paid off. Vanity? Well, let’s just say cocaine didn’t elevate the play of every star in the 80s.
Best Coke Performance of 1985.....and......the Worst Performance
Doc, Mets, 24-4, 1.53 ERA .......................Vanity, 7th Heaven
The first 15 minutes of the film has several nods to the Karate Kid and immediately makes a statement that Daniel LaRusso is a wimp compared to Bruce Leroy. The opening is an action sequence where Leroy is practicing kicks and techniques with a cut-aways to clicking chopsticks. As Mr. Miyagi said “Man catch fly with chopsticks accomplish any art.” Leroy has graduated from that stage and is now able to chop flying arrows in mid air with his bare hands while he works out. Yet, even with this impressive feat, he has self-doubt about his martial arts mastery because he has yet to attain the final level - the golden glow. His master outlines the journey ahead of him: the four levels that must be embraced to attain the final level - confusion, vengeance, fear, and love.
Level 1: Confusion
Leroy is constantly confused throughout his journey. Whenever he is in the throws of uncertainty, he finds comfort in old Bruce Lee movies. After leaving his master, he takes in an afternoon showing of "Enter the Dragon" - which is often called the perfect karate movie. Side note: Watch the crowd reaction when Bruce takes on O'Hara; it's like a State of the Union address with each slap of the face an emphatic statement of shared ideals bringing them to their feet clapping.
Questions that remain unanswered:
- Why is Leroy eating popcorn with chopsticks at the movies? Wow, the ambition of this film goes higher and higher with each viewing - seems as if they found a new, creative way to support the stereotype that Chinese people eat everything with chopsticks. And it's a black man re-enforcing the stereotype. The reverse happens at the Sum Dum Goy Fortune Cookie factory when three asian guys break dance and fully embrace hip hop culture with their boombox and see-through mesh shirts. Yes We Can, Berry Gordon. We can all get along and come together if we embrace the universality of karate and hip hop.
- How many different kinds of karate uniforms does Leroy own? And who has formal wear as a subset of their karate wardrobe? He has a silver gi when riding in Laura's mercedes and then is decked out in a white "clubbing" gi with gold piping at the end of the movie. Just like the chopsticks, once again I guess I'll just tip my bamboo hat to the brilliant comedic style points.
- Was Lionel Ritchie really so big that he had emulators? I guess he was. Undoubtedly, one of the truly special moments in this film (especially looking back 24 years later and realizing how much play this song got in the 80s) is when Laura unveils this week's hot dance pick - and "it is HOT!" - DeBarge's "Rhythm of the Night". What do you call DeBarge's haircut? Looks like he's got a three-in-one pompadour jeri curl mullet. Once again we are going split screen for an epic 80s match-up.
If your next haircut had to be one of these two which one would you choose?
DeBarge's pomp jeri curl mullet..or..Lionel's classic perm mullet
Level 2: Vengeance
I don't think anyone is more vengeful in the movies than Bruce Lee with the possible exception of Charles Bronson and Glenn Close. Leroy could teach his mentor a few things about keeping his cool. He only really experiences vengeance when his family's pizza shop is trashed by Sho'nuff. That sets him off. However, vengeance is really best left to the villains in this film - self-proclaimed master Sho'nuff and arcade kingpin Eddie Arkadian.
There are four central acts of vengeance:
1. Sho'nuff vs. everyone in the movie theatre: the me vs. world motif is critical to understanding Bruce Lee as every movie he starred in includes at least one scene that places him in the middle of 60 guys who eventually get their ass kicked. It also epitomizes the WWF's Royal Rumble format. Sho'nuff is so widely beloved as a movie villain because he represents the confidence and the colorful personality of a wrestling heel. His grand entrance is laden with call-and-response to questions like "Am I the baddest?", "Am I the prettiest?", and "Who am I?". Answer: "Sho'nuff". He's defiant in his quest that everyone recognizes him as the master to the point where he rips a chunk of a guy's hair out of his head and blows it off his palm. Just like Piper would do.
2. Sho'nuff vs. tigers: You never see Sho'nuff actually fight a tiger but you know he did. He would never wear anything he didn't kill himself. Just the kind of guy he is. Watch for the tigerskin cummerbund he wears like an Intercontinental Title belt.
3. Sho'nuff vs. the pizza shop: Oldest villain trick in the book - if your foe won't meet you in your lair or a neutral turf, attack his family's business. He chops a table in half, throws a chair threw the front door and kicks out the video juke box when his concentration is broken by Faith Prince ("What is this garbage?")
4. Eddie Arkadian vs. everyone he knows especially his girlfriend: Eddie A is like a harmless Lex Luther. He has a desire to rule the world yet the mastermind business is probably not for you when an arcade, a clumsy heavyweight boxer, and a no-talent girl group is your only management experience. No disrespect to the Shogun of Harlem and his "Kiss my Converse" line, but Eddie delivers the best line in the whole movie. In articulating his plan to convince Laura Charles to play his girlfriend Angela's video "Dirty Boy" on 7th Heaven, he says "I know how to handle these showbiz types, you gotta wine them, dine them, you let 'em order a la carte." That's a great line to trot out to make a woman know what she's missing if she leaves you - "Where are you going? Who lets you order a la carte, baby?" If that doesn't woo her back, go vengeful with this Eddie A gem - "Go ahead, go have a nice, normal boring life."
Level 3: Fear
Bruce Lee always seemed fearful of his own vengeance and the power of his art. Leroy is scared of girls (more on this in Level 4: Love) as well as a mono-a-mono showdown with the Shogun; ultimately scared of reaching the final level and the emptiness associated with its attainment. He reminds me of the salutatorian from my high school. Not sure where the lack of confidence comes from, the kid can catch a bullet with this teeth.
Is there a more anticipated movie match-up between two heavyweights than Sho'nuff vs. Bruce Leroy? You can argue LaRusso v. Lawrence is more anticipated, but Cobra Kai wins 9 out of 10 fights. Purely a fluke and the luck of having an old asian guy silently cheering him on that Daniel won. Whereas I think Sho'nuff wins 3 out of 10 against Leroy in a tournament format. In a street fight, it's pretty much even money.
Scouting report on Leroy: 5'9. 160 lbs. Training diet is rice and pizza. Combines grace and deceptive power with finesse. Practices craft by beating up hapless henchmen; will hit below the belt but in an artistic way; occasionally loses fights by forfeit due to Bruce Lee movie marathon conflict on Spike.
Scouting report on the Shogun: 6'2. 205 lbs. Eats lion burger and venison. Combines showmanship with technical prowess and power; wins through intimidation and will fight dirty; likes to give speeches when he fights which sometimes distracts him from finishing.
Here's a fight that unfortunately didn't live up to the hype. I loved the fight as a kid, but seems a little anti-climatic twenty five years later. The fight director missed a huge opportunity to choreograph a sequence where each fighter has the golden glow at the same time. We could have been treated to Wilkins vs. Bird, Game 7, 1988 Eastern Conference Semis, answer for answer. Instead we have Leroy pulling a hide-and-seek kick from a swinging chain, Sho'nuff faking a knock-out, Sho'nuff fake drowning Leroy. The whole charade has me waiting for Randy Savage to jump off the dock with a bell to the throat. This is where it's helpful to remember Julius Carry III (Sho'nuff) would have trouble passing a yellow belt test. (May he rest in peace).
However, when Leroy realizes he is the master and achieves the golden glow, it's still holds true as a top ten 80s chill scene.
Question about the catching the bullet in teeth sequence: Why does Leroy look less scared to face the barrel of a gun than he did when Sho'nuff came through the freight elevator? He's petrified of this guy. Whereas he waited for Eddie A's bullet like he was re-stepping to the line after a made free throw, asking the ref for the pill. This is where it's helpful to remember Taimak has no acting experience.
(By the way, True or False: Laura Charles has the shortest dress we've ever seen in a PG-13 movie?)Level 4: Love
Bruce Lee always left room for the ladies. He will avenge your death if you get murdered. He will kiss you when he walks you home. This is Bruce's commitment to you if you are his love interest. Leroy? Super nice guy, but he's a space cadet without a telescope.
This is the 80s and you expect a great love story but I don't know even know what to call what Leroy is attempting with Laura. She's interested. He's interested in the final level. Leroy, it's Vanity - she is the final level in the 80s.
Try this confusing scenario: he rescued her (for the second time in as a many nights) by beating up half a dozen guys, escorts her back to her apartment, she takes her earrings and shoes off, turns on some music and all he can think about is getting his belt buckle back and getting out of there. How about hanging out with her for a bit and making her some tea? The girl just spent dinner kidnapped. Help her calm down and relax. After dropping many hints like "I would like to teach you some
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